International Womens’ Day – What about the men?

What about the men?

As International Women’s Day approaches, the question “But what about the men?” often arises in the media. Maverick Mums, an organisation specifically supporting women in their adventures into self- care after motherhood, is not immune to this response either.

There can be a nervousness for some about the focus being purely on women and a female experience, like this may be divisive and ostracise men.

But the truth is, men have been an integral part of the Maverick Mums story from the very beginning, and with each new member, the role of men and the potential for wider positive impact grows.

The conception…

Rhiannon discovered an adventurous side to her nature when she was only 23 years old when an intuitive and instinctive inner nudge sent her to Africa, rather than continuing on the UK career ladder she had started to climb.

However, when she became a mother, societal scripts around ‘maternal selflessness’ dug their nails in and left Rhiannon feeling unable to pursue her interests, for fear this would make her selfish and a terrible mum. Over time this ate away at her sense of self, leading to a state of burnout and of feeling completely lost within her own life.

It was when her father sadly and very suddenly passed away at the age of 60, that Rhiannon received a jarring reality check that jolted her into questioning what on earth she was doing with her own life. She realised that she wanted to honour his memory by enjoying her own life as much as she could.

As a free spirit, with a non-conformist attitude and maverick character, her father’s death called Rhiannon back to that part of herself and set her on the path of becoming a maverick in her own right.

The first baby step…

Rhiannon recalled the magic of her first time in Africa, the sense of freedom it had given her to be herself and how she had fallen in love with the newfound connection she developed with herself through that experience. Africa was calling again…

She found a conservation project supporting a matriarchy of elephants where she could volunteer for two weeks, but she remained torn about whether to go or not. The sense of guilt and concern about taking this time for herself, away from her then husband and daughter, was overpowering her deep yearning for a space to reflect, grieve and reconnect with herself. That societal voice kept whispering ‘This is not what a ‘good mother’ does.’

In the end, it was her then husband who persuaded her to go; making it clear the only person standing in her way, was herself. He recognised Rhiannon’s need and wanted to help her meet it; he and Mia would miss her, but be fine.

Maverick Motherhood…

Revisiting Africa provided Rhiannon with the opportunity to deeply reflect on her new stage of life, what was important to her and how she wanted to live it. She realised that being a good mother wasn’t about being ‘selfless’ at all, that instead:

“In order for me to be a good mum, I just need to be myself, find my own way and stop putting other people’s expectations upon myself.”

The journey to this conclusion had been full of confusion, struggles, strides forward and trench falls back, and continues to require an active practice and mindset. But it has provided the foundations for Maverick Mums as a community. A community that recognises the pitfalls, the scripts we carry in our mind and bodies of what we are ‘allowed’ to do as women, and as mothers, and the energy and courage it can take to find our voice and ask for what we need.

And men have been and will continue to be integral to that journey.

As if proving this point, Rhiannon’s new husband, Luke, is a committed partner within the Maverick Mums community. His expertise in forest bathing, foraging, outdoors cooking, and forest schooling all foster a deeper connection with nature and dovetail neatly with Rhiannon’s own passions for wild swimming, yoga and paddleboarding and rekindling a connection with nature and self. Together, they make an enlightening ‘yin-yang’ team.

No, but really, what’s in it for the men?

But when someone asks: “What about the men?” they are perhaps also asking: “What’s in it for them?” And the simple answer is, as has been proven by the experiences of many Maverick Mum members since joining, the joy that is gained from the adventures into nature and yourself, alongside the truly supportive female community, is transforming across all the different spheres of your life.

And your partner – be they male or female – gets to bask in this new iridescent glow coming from within you – someone who is lit up with life, and the electricity of a newfound connection with themselves, and nature.

Surely, that is for the good of everyone?

If you are interested in relighting your inner glow this International Women’s Day, join us Friday 8th MArch at Vobster Quay, at 10am for chilly dip with a wonderful group of supportive women.