I want to return, but I’m scared
It’s been a long time since I was in touch, and I’ll be honest I just didn’t have it in me. I have struggled to remain fully connected to my purpose and my dreams, even to myself with so much else going on.
My wild, original, true self wants to return, but I am scared!
There has been a great deal of change in my life in the last 18 months (on top of COVID). Last February, when COVID began we found ourselves living in an aribnb, after a nasty experience with a landlady from HELL. When I realised COVID wasn’t going away, I panicked and wanted to find somewhere safe for my family, and so in April we moved to a new home. In October I separated from my husband, and have since met a new partner, turned 40, had a nasty alcohol-related accident and suffered a loss. I won’t go into all the gory details now, as that’s not the purpose of this letter, but wanted (as always) to be honest and to give context to my words.
I have tried very hard over the last year to remain on an ‘even keel’ and have leaned into close friends, family and to the things I love, which help support and inspire me, and help me grow including; walking, meditation, reading, yoga, strength training, writing and cooking. My main priority during those long days of lockdown and the challenge of home-schooling while also running a business was to retain our mental wellbeing, keep a roof over our heads and ensure my daughter was coping with such dramatic changes, but I also found love again which was a most unexpected and beautiful surprise!
I am currently on what I am calling a ‘food journey or experiment’. I am on day 65 of a 90-day program and have removed, well, almost everything; dairy, grain, potatoes, sugar, fruit, sweet vegetables, alcohol and caffeine.
I feel utterly naked, and extremely vulnerable. My anxiety has returned, and my confidence has taken a big knock. I am not living in my power or showing up in my life or in my relationships in the way that I would like to, so this letter serves as both an update for you and an intention setting exercise for me, to help move forwards once again.
During lockdown I have, like most, been in my own bubble and now feel quite scared to fully re-emerge into the world but re-emerge we must! I have spent a lot of time in my head, reflecting on my life, how I want it to be and how I want to show up, and what’s truly important. I have to admit I have also at times, both enjoyed and benefitted from the enforced slowing down (although I have missed having big adventures!). My coping strategy has mostly been ‘find the joy, however small, in each day!’ (although sometimes I have to admit that’s been about wine or food or even just that I loaded the dishwasher!).
I have found positive things to focus on and have spent time training to be a Meditation Teacher and passed the theory element of becoming a Field Guide in Africa (practical in South Africa in October… fingers crossed!). I have also more recently qualified as a Stand-Up Paddle Board Instructor and begun an 8-month journey to become a Yoga Teacher.
When I really think about how much I have still achieved in this time, I know I should be proud, but I feel quite disconnected from it in some ways if I am truthful – almost like it didn’t actually happen to me. I find myself wondering ‘how did I get here?’ like you do sometimes when you’re driving a route you know well.
I have felt very vulnerable and weak, but today I feel that strength, passion and wildness growing inside me again slowly…
That desire to really connect with who I truly am.
To live a life from my heart and soul and be present every day.
To feel connected to myself, to those I love and to nature.
To set my intentions, have boundaries and live by them.
To dare to dream and go after those dreams knowing that the universe has my back and that even when it’s hard, everything is as it should be.
To show up every day (even when it’s not pretty) and risk everything for love, for my dreams and for the adventure of being alive!
To live wholeheartedly, to sit with pain and find the courage to look at it without numbing, hiding or moving to try to fade it or fix it.
To model this behaviour for my daughter, Mia so that she will grow up believing in herself and will live her best life and be true to herself.
This is the gift of being ALIVE!
‘The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.’
– CG Jung.
So, what is my intention? I wasn’t actually 100% sure until I got to this point to be honest, writing really helps me to understand myself and work out how to grow, and grow I must to be happy.
My intention for now is…
To look at all my shadows and unresolved pain.
To prioritise authentic revealing and emotional release.
To slow down to see myself and others deeply.
To share my inner world again so that we do not feel alone in our pain.
To bring compassion to others, to peel away my masks further, to be truly vulnerable and to keep sharing my truth on this journey.
To dance with wildness, to be true to myself and not destroy my own soul.
To be free and live a life of love, not fear.
To tune into myself and use my intuition.
To be the best version of myself and show my daughter that anything is possible.
As mums, we have to lead our families and communities in this, to step into our power, embrace our feminine energy and be the matriarchs! I believe our survival depends on it.
My question is, will you join me? Will you dare to follow your heart, be true to yourself and set your intentions for 2021/22?
‘Tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?’
Maverick Mums Matriarch Adventure
Step out of your comfort zone and experience a real wilderness adventure, especially for mums.
Having been sadly postponed many times, the Maverick Mums Matriarch Adventure will now run from 6-15 May 2022.
This transformative, empowering and fully supported experience embraces the ultimate in ‘me time’ with a total digital detox tracking the elusive desert elephants in Namibia.
NEW: Maverick Mums Snowdonia Adventure
Relight your adventurous soul and embrace some well-deserved ‘me time’
I am also offering the Maverick Mums Snowdonia Adventure this Summer – a 4-day wild adventure in beautiful Snowdonia National Park.
This exclusive mum only trip is the ideal escape for anyone wanting to unplug, get out into nature and explore a beautiful location with a great company!
NEW: Mediation Journey
Whether you are completely new to meditation and just curious, or have been practising on and off for a while, I can help you to start or deepen your practice, and create more freedom and happiness in your life!
I will soon be launching an 8-week transformative meditation journey – working with mums individually or in small groups offering weekly guided meditation and support.
NEW: Stand Up Paddle Boarding for mums
Relax, be present, have fun and do something for you!
I will also soon be launching Stand Up Paddle Boarding experiences and courses locally in Somerset, designed to provide an opportunity for mums to do something for themselves.
To introduce SUP, build confidence and gain awareness of basic techniques including; getting onto the board, kneeling paddling, stand-up paddling, self-rescue, basic manoeuvres.
Get in touch
I’d love to hear how you are, how you have coped these last 12 months, and if anything, I have shared resonates with you then please get in touch for a chat.